The Het Parade might have a new stop on it's route!

sebroche 1 hour 11 mins ago Jared Padalecki is with me,he's thinking about being on twitter and wondering how many followers he would get right away http://yfrog.com/h7er7tjj

sebroche 1 hour 5 mins ago @soapreporter according to him Jensen doesn't have one!

http://yfrog.com/h46rzpdj

See this is what happens every time I try to step back and take a break from Mr. Ackles and Mr. Padalecki.
Something happens to pull you back in before you originally planned. I was minding my own business having fun my friends. I just found an email from Pinkwood.

Have you seen Seb Roche's Twitter recently? Apparently Jared is considering a Twitter account!! Duh duh duuuuh! I want him. I feel bad that he will get crazied and I suspect we will get sledgehammered with het but I want him bad :D

To this I say "so be it".
I do have a few thoughts about Jared, Jensen and their blushing beards brides beards and what I'm hoping we get out of this twitterific event if and when it happens. I'm in no mood to sugar coat it people. I don't want to watch The Stepford Wives. I want to watch Heathers. So I ask why did Jared and Jensen choose Heathers as beards to marry? Dumb asses should have chosen Veronicas!

Even more disappointing, I thought at first that Jensen was possibly marrying a Veronica.
Unfortunately someone can't seem to control themselves on twitter and just had to prove otherwise
At least we always knew GC was a Stepford wife. What you see is what you get.
Yet in the long run our loss was our gain. As DH has shown us she is more than willing to prove
she's actually one of the worst/best kinds of Stepford Wives, one with no common sense. It's a never ending debate on who the biggest embarrassment of riches is. GC or DH. Let's face it. It depends on the day.


Heathers:
Now... it seems we were in a similar position on Monday when I thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of "Let's Laugh at the Hippie."

Fandumb Translation:
 Now... it seems we were in a similar position on Monday when DH thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring. But no. DH took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of "Let's Laugh at the Loser."

Hey Heather DH you wanted to play with us on twitter. We aren't forcing you. Don't come crying to
me when you lose the battle of wits.

Heathers: 
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.

Fandumb Translation:
People will look at the ashes of DH's twitterverse and say, "Now there's a twit that self-destructed, not because fandumb didn't care, but because fandumb was society." Now that's deep.

Heathers:
Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling

Fandumb Translation:
Fandumb was what killed the dumb whores, darling

Heathers:
Ah, oh, uh! I like to suck big dicks. Or, uh... Mmmm! Mmmm! I can't get enough of 'em!

Fandumb Translation:
Ah, oh, uh! I like to suck J2's big dicks. Or, uh... Mmmm! Mmmm! I can't get enough of 'em!

Heathers:
You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year.

Fandumb Translation:
You blow it tonight, Jared, and it's preggers with a girl who looks like your kid all next year.

Fandumb Translation:
You blow it tonight, Jared, and it's peggers without the freckledong all next year.

Heathers:
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

Translation:
J2 to DH/GC, why are you touching my dick?

Heathers:
J.D.: Is your life perfect?
Veronica Sawyer: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D.: I... I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica Sawyer: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

Fandumb Translation:
Fandumb: Is your life perfect?
J2: We're on our way to a fake bday party at Danneel's and Steves... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
Fandumb: I... I don't really like your friends either.
J2: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
Fandumb: Maybe it's time to take a vacation. 



Heathers:
J.D.: Well, ah... Let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene.
[He picks up a shopping bag and pulls items out of it]
J.D.: All right. Got an issue of "Stud Puppy."
Veronica Sawyer: Great!
[She laughs]
J.D.: Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water.
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it's come a long way.
J.D.: Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, you're so smart.

AcklesEpic Translation:
Hollowdoll: Well, ah... Let's show Fandumb some of the homosexual artifacts We found at J2's secret lovepad.
[She picks up a shopping bag and pulls items out of it]
Pinkwood: All right. Got an issue of "Stud Puppy."
Hollowdoll:Great!
[She laughs]  
Pinkwood: Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I noticed. Mineral water.
Hollowdoll: Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it's come a long way.  
Pinkwood: Yeah, but this is Texas. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
Hollowdoll: Oh, you're so smart.

Heathers:
Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.


AcklesEpic translation:
Steve Carlson: Jensen Ackles was a true friend and I sold him out for a bunch of yappy dogs and a Botox addicted coke head. Killing Elta would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a turkey molesting fucking psycho.

Heathers:
Heather Duke: [playing croquet] So what are you gonna do Heather? Take two shots or send me out?
Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.
[puts her croquet ball against Heather's and sends it flying]
Heather Duke: Shit.
Heather Chandler: It's your turn, Heather.

AcklesEpic translation:
Jensen: [playing with himself] So what are you gonna do Jared? Take two cum shots or ream me out?
Jared: Did you have a popper for breakfast? First you ask if you can pitch, knowing that I always pitch.
[puts his balls against Jensen's ass and begins to send him flying towards another epic orgasm]
Jensen: Shit.
Jared: It's a painfully sweet burn, isn't it Jensen?

Heathers:
Heather Chandler: Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather?
Heather Chandler: God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...
Veronica Sawyer: What are you doing here?
Heather Chandler: I made your favorite. Spaghetti. With lots of oregano. Dinner!
Veronica Sawyer: [wakes up from dream]

AcklesEpic Translation:
Elta: Is this turnout weak or what? Jensen at least show's up to the parties Genefail throws.
Steve: Elta?
Elta: God, Steve. My married life is so boring. I have to listen to Jensen sing "the weight" one more time...
Steve: What are you doing here?
Elta: I made your favorite. . homemade macaroni. With lots of grated cheese and . Dinner!
J2: [wake up from bad dream] only to realize they were already awake and are both married.


Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.
Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock: I'd like that.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too.

AcklesEpic translation:
Elta: Hey, Steve. My husband for the PR kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some of my movies and pop some popcorn.
Steve: I'd like that.
Elta: Yeah. Me too.

Heathers:
Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful.

AcklesEpic translation:
Genefail: Dear Diary: Elta told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful.

Heathers:
Heather McNamara: It's your turn Heather.
Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?
Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.

Acklesepic translation:
Sandy 1.0: It's your turn Sandy 2.0  
Sandy 2.0: No, Sandy 1.0, it's Beard 3's turn. Elta?
Beard 3: Sorry Sandy 2.0

Heathers:
Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck.
Veronica Sawyer: You goddamn bitch.
Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
Veronica Sawyer: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

Acklespeic translation:
Elta: You stupid fuck.
Sandy 2.0: You goddamn bitch.
: I brought you to a Save the Alpacas party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
 Elta: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. 

Heathers:
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.

Acklesepic translation:
Jensen: Elta you were nothing before you met me. You were flashing your fake tits with all the other whores. You were a cheap prop in a movie. You were useless. You were a just a casting couch whore.

Heathers:
Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica Sawyer: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. fucking A. Today; that's about the least private thing I can

AE translation:
J2: Bearding is a private thing.
Fandumb: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic in Hollywood and you're beards are on twitter. Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.

Heathers:
Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.

AE translation:
Elta: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I get more action then a hooker and I'm only a cheap low budget film actress who can't act.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: This may seem like a really stupid question...
J.D.: There *are* no stupid questions.
Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

AE translation:
Genefail: This may seem like a really stupid question...
Elta: All your questions are stupid questions.
Genefail: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
Elta: You are the dumbest beard I have ever met. I'd get my fake tits made bigger, obviously!

Heathers:
 Courtney: If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent.
Veronica Sawyer: You're beautiful.
 AE translation:

Elta: When I get the divorce money, I'm going to use it to buy a small yappy dog farm. Every cent.
Genefail: You're beautiful.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: If you think I'm doing another suicide note you're wrong!
J.D.: You don't get it do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think upon itself. Nobody is going to care about exact handwriting.

AE translation:
Jensen: If you think sending another picture for your twitter war with Fandumb!
Elta: You don't get it do you? Jared, Pinkwood, Hollowdoll, CC and Watchtower laugh their heads off at any mean thing Fandumb can tweet to me. Nobody is going to care if it actually isn't you in the pictures.

Heathers:
Ram Sweeney: [praying in Heather's funeral] Jesus God in Heaven, why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?
[smiles]
Ram Sweeney: It's a joke man. Geez, people are so serious.
[serious face]
Ram Sweeney: Holy Mary who art in Heaven pray for us sinners... so we don't get caught
[grins and looks up worriedly]
Ram Sweeney: Another joke.



AE translation:
Steve Carlson: [fondling a dried up piece of turkey carcus in his pocket while at Jensen's wedding] Jesus God in Heaven, why'd you have to marry such a hot snatch beard?
[smiles]
Steve Carlson: It's a joke man. Geez, people are so serious.
[serious face]
Steve Carson: Holy dried turkey carcus who art in my pocket pray for us sinners... so Elta and I don't get caught on film doing the nasty.
[grins and looks up worriedly]
 Steve Carlson: Another joke.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: What the fuck?
Rodney: Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
Veronica Sawyer: Ew! That son of a bitch.

AE translation:
Elta: What the fuck?
Genefail: Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Steve Carlson but he said that he and Christian Kane had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
Elta: Damn it! Those sons of bitches weren't supposed to tell anyone.

 Heathers:
Heather McNamara: God had cursed me I think. The last guy I had sex with killed himself the next day. I'm failing math. I was supposed to be cheerleading captain...
Veronica Sawyer: She knows we listen to this show.
Heather Duke: Oh my god.
[delighted]
Heather Duke: We'll crucify her!

AE translation:
Beard 3: God had cursed me I think. The guy I married had sex with his boyfriend the same day. I'm failing as an actress. I was supposed to be an Oscar winner...
Sandy 2.0: You knew this marriage was going to be just for show.
Sandy 1.0: Oh my god.
[delighted]
Sandy 2.0: Fandumb will crucify her! 

Heathers:
 Veronica Sawyer: You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel you're fucking psychotic

AE translation:
Fandumb to Elta: You're a tough, independent, saucy little minx who stands on her own merits? You think you're a tough, independent, saucy little minx who stands on her own merits ? You're not Pinkwood you're fucking psychotic!

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

AE translation:
Elta and Genefail: All we want is to be treated like princesses, not to be experimented on like useless beards just treading water until our husbands finally shave or patronized like the dumb whores we really are.
Fandumb: But we love to patronize dumb whores.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.

AE translation:
Elta: Jensen, why can't you just be a real husband? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Jensen: Because I'm gay and in love with Jared.
Heathers:
J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.

AE translation:
Jared: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Golf?
Jensen: I was thinking more along the lines of divorcing Elta and making it known that she's a skanky bitch.
Jared: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of how to be a beard and fuck your way to the top, and I have the pics of her with SC and CK remember. After that we can figure out what to do with Genefail.


Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: You know what I want?
[shoots J.D]
Veronica Sawyer: Cool guys like you out of my life

AE translation:
Jensen: You know what I want?
[shoots his load on Jared's face]
Jensen: The useless beards out of our life

Heathers:

Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?
AE translation:

Sandy 2.0: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Sandy 1.0?
Fandumb: Yes but a cheap knock off budget version you'd buy in Chinatown from the same guy who sells Gremlins.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.

AE translation:
Jensen: That knife is filthy and so are your hands.
Steve Carlson: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out the turkey's tonsils?
Jensen: Excuse me, I think I know more about good hygiene than you do.
Steve Carlson: Fuck it, I am going to uses my hands. I don't care if they are not clean.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.

AE translation:
J2: Tomorrow, we'll have to pretend to like kissing their aerobicized asses, but tonight, let us dream of a world without the beards, a world where we are free.

Heathers:
Veronica Sawyer: You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I'd like to give him. Gee, blank, I had a really nice...
Brad: Save the speeches for Malcolm X, I just want to get laid.
Veronica Sawyer: You don't deserve my fucking speech

AE translation:
Jared: You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my beards when they want more than I'd like to give them, I learned it from Jensen.  Gee, blank, I had a really nice...
Genefail: Save the speeches for Malcolm X, I just want to get paid.
Jared: You don't deserve Jensen's fucking speech.

Heathers:
Heather Duke: I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.

AE translation:
Jared: I prayed for the death of Elta's "so called" career many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus and twitter, Hallelujah.

 Heather's:
Veronica's Mom: When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.

AE translation:
Fandumb: When pretend wives complain that they want to be treated like wives, it's usually because they are being treated like beards they are.

 Heathers:
J.D.: [lying on the ground with Veronica under his jacket] Mmm. I thank you. That was my first game of strip croquet.

 AE translation:
Jared: [lying on the ground with Jared under his jacket] Mmm. I thank you. That was my first game of strip golf. 

Jensen and Jared, if there's one think I would like you both to take away from this.
It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.

Remember, a messy divorce is better than a messy incarcaration.
Let's be honest both of you are too pretty and I am sure they won't let you share a jail cell.
This is the real world not the SPN film lot. Here you only get to die once, you don't get to come back again and again and again! At least not in this lifetime

---

Oh and last but certainly not least. Jared, your twitter pic should be a new pic that looks something like this, only better. Hey Jensen was willing to share his pasta dish. It's only fair that you show us your "hot dish" as well.